| X'tina's hurt's currently spinning on my itunes. Great. This definitely help unleash the suppressed emotions. These few days have been increasingly onerous - its starting to injure my atman. Quarrels with endeared ones have also indubitably, played an immense role to this personal laceration.
Sometimes, its so difficult to gain one's understanding; Everyone seems to hold their own opinons and sets of judgements. As a matter of fact, my amidst's filled with paradoxes and deceptions. Words and truths can just be bend within a mere minute, and accusations can be easily weaved, even without any congent evaluations.
I'm tired. Tired with the fact that I'm penniless, FAT, a shopaholic, unloved ( by the family ), hated, ghastly.. and the list goes on. Seems like i'm the invitation for a macabre series of tragedies. Yet, it feels like invisiblity has wrapped itself around my physical appearances. How ironic.
There's so much piques enclosed within me, and it seriously needs to be released.
Plently of arguements,subtle insecurities and obscure tantrums are starting to act as veiled palisades; which are stealthily ruining my relationship with Gen.
Sometimes, I feel pathetic and useless.
If only anyone know how much I hate indulging myself in self commiserations.
If only Gen really know shes my impish gaiety.
This x'mas not going to be pleasant, I just know it. I'm too broke to even purchase the finest stuff for the baby. Funny, ain't it? I've semi wealthy parents, who are fucking selfish to part with a tiny bit of their wealth!? No, I'm not boasting or anything inclined to that. I just abhor the fact that my mum's a complete skinflint.
Someone, anyone, please bring me for a couple of shots, drinks, anything to do with alcohol please?
And perhaps, for the first time, I'll allow a pinch of raw nicotine to run through my veins(?) |
12:11 AM